I just got off the phone with my mom, and needless to say, the conversation was depressing. My grandmother has been quickly declining in health. I’ve heard various diagnoses, including leukemia, but no one knew for sure. While the test results are not back, the fact that my mother & aunt had a conversation with my grandmother about doing chemotherapy or not, and about her remaining life indicates to me that it most likely is leukemia. And that sucks.
I not only feel bad, but hearing my mom essentially start to break down on the phone has put me in a downer-type mood. It’s one of those moods when you feel like doing absolutely nothing because nothing really matters.
And I feel like an ass because I haven’t visited or called as much as I should have. Reason being is that I hated the guilt trip she played every time I stopped by. It was the whole ‘pity me’ act that included putting down other family members because they refused to become her bitch. Take the following example of one reason she was pissed at my parents. My parents called her on a Sunday and said they were out and about and asked if she needed groceries, especially milk & bread. She told them no. Mid-day Monday, she calls them to ask if they can get her milk. Now, they both were busy and were unable to stop by, so she got mad. Why she didn’t tell them Sunday night, I don’t know. So every time I would visit, I would hear about how different family members were not being helpful, etc. and it annoyed me.
Maybe that’s a selfish reason to not visit, and maybe I’ll look back on these times and think of what a jerk I’ve been.
Trying to see the positive side of the situation, but could definitely use a set of blinders…
AS one who has been there recently brother good luck with the family turmoil, best advice I can lend is stay true to yourself first - you can't sub in for your folks [in order to make g-mom happy], you cant put your life on hold [to make grandmom happy], all you can do and contribute will have to do, and if they can't accept that - then they are the ones acting like jerks - show them that - they'll hate looking in that mirror - BUT, you must [and will, knowing you] do what you reasonably can.
ReplyDeleteBest always bro
~Finn
I struggled with this too, when my grandmother passed. It was my first semester at college and I was struggling with being with my family and trying to assert my independence. I do wish now that I would have gone home more often to see her, but I know that she understood that I needed to do what I did. I talked to her at least once a week on the phone and when she was really failing, she asked for me and I came running home (between Thanksgiving and Christmas) and was able to spend some quality time with her. Sometimes it's not about the amount of time you spend with somebody, but the quality of the time you spend with them. But as the wise Finn said, don't let anyone else tell you what you should be doing, but do what's in your heart.
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